Oreos

I never grew up with Oreos as a staple in my home. Starting in fourth grade, we had Snackwell’s oblong cookies as the diet culture replacement for Oreos. I remember my Aunt and friends had Oreos in their home and, given the chance, I would (and did) eat them till I was physically sick. 

In summer 2017, I was formally diagnosed with Celiac Disease through an endoscopy. I struggled to find variety in the foods that I ate and I lacked true satiety. I had refused to buy gluten free (GF) products for a couple of reasons; (1) they were expensive, (2) I had picked up on the felt sense in the “wellness” community that they were “less than” and (3) some felt sense in my body that I needed “whole” foods. I am going to say #3 is some residual ED tool that unexpectedly surfaced during a time of stressful transition to a strict GF intake. 

During the pandemic I was fortunate enough to have more space, community and support to dig into somatic work. With somatic work, you strengthen the connection between the mind and body. The mind and the body are two distinct parts that can act together to support the body. The somatic work was greeted by the release of the gluten free Oreo from the Oreo brand. 

I did a significant amount of reflection on felt senses in my body around wanting the Oreos. For example: I often felt like I was leaping when I purchased some foods that were once “off-limits”. I could not land in the cognitive knowledge that food habituation is important. I had to find a place that held much more value to me. The value was that my children will have a relationship with a cookie and the relationship will be driven by them, not by the cookie. I landed firmly in this and felt this landing as a relaxation and tingling sensation in my chest, similar to a let down reflex when I was breastfeeding. This sensation makes sense as it is grounded in my ability to nurture my children’s experiences with food. 

So what does the relationship with Oreos look like now? In the words of intuitive eating I would say successful food habituation. They are in the house on a regular basis and everyone has a relationship with them. All of my children and my partner would rather have something else than Oreos. On a somatic level, I was able to really discern from how I eat the Oreos, what the purpose of my relationship with them was at any given time. 

-After eating a meal, I may not be satisfied: This felt sense for me is like a restlessness that comes from within me. I will reach for some Oreos and that restlessness is gone. This restlessness also seems to be concentrated in my mouth/tongue. I can differentiate it from activation with the restlessness from anxiety 

-Before Shark Week (PMS, before period): The need is much more in my body, throughout my body, even when fed, I am slightly distracted by my want for Oreos or really anything chocolate.

-’I did not eat enough’ reach for Oreos: It literally feels like I am flying in my body. It is a reach that is not insightful, not thoughtful, they are there, they work to bring my blood sugar up but they are never the thing that will satisfy me. I typically will eat more than I normally do during this type of reach as well. When I eat more there is a concentrated taste of Oreos that is also unpleasant to my palate… like when I eat too many candy corn or jelly beans. 

My relationship with Oreos is just one example of how we can dig into food behaviors and see how they are a tool to understand our sense of self in this world.